Living here in Bakersfield is pleasant, but sometimes we really need to get the heck out. This year in early April, I went to an event called Dinah Shore Weekend in Palm Springs. My sister had bought me and a friend of choice tickets to the event for my birthday. Dinah Shore Weekend is essentially a five-day spring break for lesbians. I am not much of a partier and I’m really shy, so I was excited but nervous. What made the situation more stressful was that all I knew about it was that this event is a giant pool party. I do not really like my body in a bathing suit and I do not dance ever, so I feared the whole event would just be uncomfortable. In the days leading up to The Dinah, I also found myself in a position where I couldn’t find anyone else to go with me. A part of me was dreading going all together. I stayed at the Hilton where all the pool parties took place. Conveniently, every event was walking distance from the hotel. But I soon found myself feeling uncomfortable about being there alone, especially because I discovered that a lot of friends had come together and were sharing hotel rooms. That seemed like a lot of fun that I was missing out on. A little nervous about spending several days on my own, I went downstairs to the lobby to have a drink and attempt to relax before going out. The bartender was very kind and even tried to set me up with this attractive lesbian, who it turned out didn’t want anything to do with me. She was only at the bar to watch whatever game was on TV. I ended up being friends with the bartender. Then another girl arrived at the bar to pick up drinks for herself and her girlfriend, and we all started talking. I was surprised to find out how easy it is to meet people in person. She was very kind and advised me to take an Uber to the opening event at the bar a block up from the hotel since I was going alone. Once I made it to the event, I was oddly relaxed. I was still alone, but I realized that I would be driven to meet more people - especially after how easy it was in the lobby. I was drinking and walking around the place when I noticed the bar had an upstairs. I went up to explore, and not long after I met a girl who introduced herself to me. We hit it off talking for the rest of the night. She too had come to the event by herself and it turned out that she was staying in the same hotel that I was. She walked me to my room that night and we hugged it out. The next morning, I woke up and realized that we hadn’t exchanged numbers and that I had no idea where her room was. This was upsetting for me, but I was determined to find her. By 10 a.m. the pool party had begun downstairs, so I got ready and attempted to find my new friend. I was nervous to be in broad daylight around a bunch of gorgeous women in bathing suits. However, I’ve got to say it was actually pretty cool. The environment the entire time was overwhelmingly friendly and positive. I met a random person from Alaska and talked to her for a little bit until I ran into my friend from the previous night. My friend found another buddy who had come alone to the event just like us. We all became friends by the afternoon. Dinah Shore Weekend has pool parties in the day and the club at night, along with a number of other events. There were some entertainment options that I didn’t pay for, but sounded interesting, like a stand-up show. A few famous lesbians had little meet-and-greets, and there were concerts by well-known musicians. The event is hard to put into words for me because it exceeded my expectations. I had so many memorable experiences. Somewhere along my trip, for once in my life, I let loose. I danced for a long period of time, spoke with a bunch of strangers, had confidence in myself and felt bonds with people I just met. The community at the event was so welcoming and friendly that I felt like I could really be myself, without worrying about what people think of me. I’m not sure if it was because we were all attracted to women and shared that commonality or if it's because the people I met were all just trying to have a good time like I was. Before my trip, I was worried that I would look like a creep all by myself. By the time I left, I had made a bunch of new friends and gained the knowledge that you have the ability to look at a situation in a positive or negative way. How you look at things can really change your experience. During Dinah Shore Weekend, I was open to the idea that I would meet a lot of interesting people and it just happened for me. I believe that taking a trip by yourself is something everyone should do at least once in their lives.
Dinah Shore Weekend should definitely be on that list once you become 21+. If you’re not a big drinker, you don’t have to drink there; you could just go and enjoy being around a bunch of girls who like girls. We don’t have a lot of spaces where we are completely surrounded by other LGBTQ+ people. It’s a nice change to be in an environment where you don’t feel like the odd one out. I’ve never felt more like I belonged somewhere than at The Dinah. I plan to go back every year, whether it's with other people or on my own.
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In my first post of this series, How to Be an Ally: Learning the Difference Between Gender Identity and Sexual Orientation, I wrote about the differences between gender identity and gender expression. For this next installment, I want to go over the gender identity of non-binary. I'll also explain why, for the first time in my life, I'm excited for my upcoming appointment at the DMV. the basicsNon-binary means "someone who does not identify as a man or a woman, or solely as one of those two genders." A non-binary person may identify as having two gender identities. For example, someone could identify "as non-binary and as a woman". That would make them bigender (having two genders). A non-binary person might identify as agender or genderfree (having no gender); being genderfluid (moving between genders); or as third gender. A non-binary identity does not mean the person is intersex (but intersex people can identify as non-binary). Non-binary people may define themselves as transgender or they may not. This tends to vary based on the definition of transgender being used as well as their personal definition of non-binary. myths about being non-binaryLet's dispel a few of the most common myths about non-binary people. Myth #1: All non-binary people will use they/them pronouns. This is not true, as many non-binary people will use she/her, he/him, they/them, or a combination. There's no standardized reason why someone might prefer "they/them and he/him" to "they/them" or "he/him" alone. As is always the case with pronouns, the best way to find out what pronouns someone prefers is to ask them directly. One easy way is to introduce your own, "By the way, I use he/him pronouns and just realized I haven't asked you what your pronouns are yet - which do you prefer?" People generally appreciate being asked their pronouns and would rather be asked than misgendered. Myth #2: Non-binary people look and dress androgynously. This could be true, or it could not be. There's no set way non-binary people dress. Non-binary people can and do dress in traditionally masculine or feminine ways, a combination, neither really, or alternate among several different styles. There's no one particular way to dress like a non-binary person. If you're non-binary and wearing clothes, that's how a non-binary person dresses. To restate one of the major points of Part I of this series, gender expression (how you dress, shave or don't shave, etc - the outside things other people observe) and gender identity (how you feel about yourself on the inside) do not have to match. Until gender expression is not socially penalized and discriminated against, there are many reasons why someone might not be able to express themselves publicly to match the way they feel inside. Alternately, someone who is genderfluid might dress traditionally masculine one day, traditionally feminine the next. This expression perfectly matches their gender identity as a non-binary, genderfluid person. Myth #3: Non-binary is a label that is trendy right now but will soon pass and be replaced with the next fad. This is an exceptionally hurtful myth about non-binary people. It echoes previous myths about other groups, like the offensive myths that all bisexual people are sexually promiscuous or that lesbians only prefer women because they were traumatized by men. It's a common way queer people have been discriminated against: people say we are confused, broken or temporary. The truth is that non-binary people have existed for as long as people and gender have existed. Non-binary gender identities were present within many different cultures throughout history. Labels may change from place to place and from time to time, but there have always been people with non-binary gender identities. what non-binary means to mePersonally I identify as non-binary and use the pronouns they/them. I'm biologically female but have never identified with my biology. When my peers in early elementary school started really differentiating between "girls" and "boys", I felt frustrated and left out. I hated being called a "tomboy" by well-meaning adults. A tomboy meant "a girl who likes boy things". I had two problems with that: 1) girls can like anything because there are no "boy things" and 2) I wasn't a girl who liked boy things, because I wasn't a girl at all. I had zero examples of gender-nonconforming people in my life and no role models to help me better articulate what I thought my role was on the gender spectrum. Regardless, from a fairly young age I was adamant that it was a kind of spectrum. I knew I believed this because I felt like everyone was always reading me on the wrong place on it. Today, I feel comfortable using a non-binary label. I tend to use it interchangeably with the term "genderqueer" when describing myself. Not all non-binary people do. (Here's a deeper history of the term "genderqueer"; language is fascinating.) As of 2019, California has started allowing non-binary people to select a third gender option for their driver's license. So in July when I go in to renew my license, I'll be able to select not "M" or "F", but "X". I'm not looking forward to the DMV queue, but I am very excited for the opportunity to identify myself legally as who I've always been all along. How to learn more: talk to us!I know that personally I appreciate being asked to share my perspective by my cisgender friends. Especially when it doesn't feel like a challenge or a judgment, I am happy to talk about my gender identity and what it means to me. If you have a question for someone they'd probably appreciate you asking, instead of making an assumption. It's generally better say something like, "I'd like to hear more about how you identify gender-wise if you want to tell me about it". That gives the person an open-ended way to volunteer as little or as much information as they want. And of course, thanks to the internet, you can learn a lot about non-binary people just by reading first-person accounts in articles and blogs. Here's a few resources to get you started: My Genderation (video): This Is What Non-binary Looks Like Curve: 10 Things You Should Never Say to Someone Non-Binary Teen Vogue: 9 Things People Get Wrong About Being Non-Binary National Center for Transgender Equality: Understanding Non-Binary People: How to Be Respectful and Supportive As an avid festivalgoer and being fairly new to Bakersfield, I was thrilled to find out that the new location this year for Lightning in a Bottle Music Festival (LIB) was only a half-hour drive from me, at the Buena Vista Lake. The only thing I really knew about LIB was that it’s a much more intimate camping festival, which nowadays I preferred over the larger ones. As I deepened my interest for it, I learned it offers an abundance of wellness workshops like yoga, meditation and sound healing sessions and conscious topic discussions featuring key speakers. When I looked at the music line-up, I was excited to recognize electronic dance music artists I’ve been keen to see and I also noticed there will be artists from various genres. Then I noticed that LIB fell on my wife’s birthday weekend (May 8th-12th), so logically it felt like the Universe was hinting for us to pack up our tent and our dancing shoes! We arrived at the campgrounds on Thursday evening and met up with our lovely friends who did such an amazing job at creating feng shui for our weekend home. We were also situated under a tree so glorious its shades kept us cool. At times, we could feel a gentle breeze since we were close by the lake. When we entered the festival grounds, we were immediately impressed by the eccentric ambiance and how there were plenty of things to do and see! The euphoric energy everyone transmitted out was so contagious that I quickly came to a realization that this experience was going to be magical. Even if we could sense the inevitable rainstorm was approaching. While the rainstorm during the early hours of Friday morning was harsh, it did minimize the dust for the weekend. The rainstorm was actually cool to witness while camping because it totally set the mood for LIB. The way I see it is that Mother Nature gifted us with a natural lightning show to initiate the weekend festivities – literally placing the emphasis on lightning. Sure, it did rain hard and it got really muddy in certain areas but the sun eventually came out and embellished its heat for the rest of the weekend. Our Friday started with a psychedelic breath yoga workshop, which ended up being such a special and personal experience. Then we attended some yoga sessions, one facilitated by Stephen and Katherine who operate Samsara Wellness Center here in Bakersfield (You can catch a free Samsara yoga session held at the Center for Sexuality and Gender Diversity on Mondays at 6pm). Not only did the daytime activities leave us feeling rejuvenated, but it also prepared us for our evening entertainment. My favourite set was Gramatik who had us literally dancing the entire time! By Saturday, more friends joined us and I tagged along with them to venture out so they can get acquainted with LIB. While I find comfort in camping with friends, I was also just as enthusiastic to form new friendships. It’s the perfect environment to detach from our mundane routines and disconnect from our phones. In today’s chaotic world, it’s getting tough to simply be conscious of the present moment. There’s nothing more liberating than when you take a moment to reconnect with your divine self and be amongst likeminded people who can express their individuality freely and safely, without judgement and criticism. Although Sunday was fun, it was also bitter sweet since it was the last day of LIB. We ventured out to admire the live artworks that were brilliantly crafted during the weekend. We even spent a good amount of time roller-skating in the disco rink. The highlight of my day was when I started to notice groups of people gather around the lakeside where we all took a moment together to appreciate the beautiful sunset. The special part of that experience was that we all howled away into the night, just as if we were pack of wolves. Strangely, it felt natural to howl and I learned later on that it was kind of becoming a LIB tradition. All in all, I’m so grateful that I was able to experience LIB and it definitely lived up to its incredible reputation. All the lessons I was gifted with and the great friendships formed will stay with me for a lifetime. To top it off, I’m ecstatic to learn that the Kern County officials have declared LIB a success. Which could potentially indicate that LIB has found a home in Bakersfield for the following years to come. Time will tell but in the meantime I’ll stay optimistic for the return of LIB in 2020! about the AuthorR. Velasco is a Canadian writer new to Bakersfield. She is actively seeking ways to raise community consciousness about LGBTQ issues and topics, one blog post at a time. She is also part of The Center’s Women Support Group. June has finally arrived and it’s brought a few of my favourite things: BBQ, summer vacations, music festivals and Pride! There are endless of ways to define Pride and how it has impacted on you internally and externally. Though, I think we can collectively agree that it’s a time to honour the LGBTQ community – to be aware of how far we’ve truly come. To honour the fearless voices who’ve fought for our equality and to acknowledge that it’s still crucial to continue advocating for our rights. Pride is a demonstration for a safe platform where we can all proudly celebrate LOVE. Cheer for the love for yourself and for the right to love whomever you want freely. It’s a time to be one with the LGBTQ community and it’s a place where we can applaud the expression of individuality even louder. In commemoration of Pride, here are some of the Pride events happening this month: LA Pride Festival & Parade | Fri Jun 7 – Sun Jun 9 2019 Join the celebration in West Hollywood and catch headlining performances by Meghan Trainor, Years & Years, The Veronicas, Ashanti and many more! Plus, don’t miss the DJs who’ll keep you dancing in the beer gardens. The Pride parade and Pride 5K & 10K run will take place on Sunday June 9th. For more details: https://lapride.org/festival-2019/ Sacramento Pride Festival | Sat Jun 8 & Sun Jun 9 2019 Enjoy queer art, exhibitions, lip sync battles and plenty of live performances – don’t miss out on Lizzo who is the headliner this year! For more information: https://sacramentopride.org/ Ventura Pride Prom | Sat Jun 15 2019 A Pride prom for the youths of LBTIQQA+ community and allies - free food and snacks provided so just bring your dancing shoes! For more information: https://www.facebook.com/PridePromOfVentura/ Tehachapi Pride Picnic | Sat Jun 22 2019 Enjoy an inclusive, family-friendly Pride picnic for the LGBTQ community and its allies! For more information: https://www.theloopnewspaper.com/story/2019/05/25/happenings/tehachapi-pride-picnic-june-22/5358.html San Francisco Pride Festival | Sat Jun 29 & Sun Jun 30 2019 This legendary Pride festivities are filled with love, food, drag shows, and music – make sure to catch Amara La Negra and Pabllo Vittar headlining performances! Pride For more details: http://www.sfpride.org Happy Pride!!! about the authorR. Velasco is a Canadian writer new to Bakersfield. She is actively seeking ways to raise community consciousness about LGBTQ issues and topics, one blog post at a time. She is also part of The Center’s Women Support Group. |
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