dating and anxiety

So modern dating is fun. I’m very shy and awkward. It makes for great stories but lots of embarrassing moments. 

I think one of my worst dates involved complete silence and me asking boring questions answered with an “I don’t know” every time. I'm a bad source for advice on dating, so I’ll just share some of my anxieties with you. 

The key to dating is to be yourself but not too much so you don’t send the person running off right? Finding that balance is something I still struggle with. People just want to have a good time and they want to see if you’re someone they could have fun with. I’m sorry, but that’s a lot of responsibility for me. Especially if I’m nervous around people, I shut off and become really clumsy. 

One of my more recent dates, I realized doing something as simple as holding a cup full of water was difficult, because I was shaking too much and turning red anytime I felt like I said something stupid. I forget how to speak proper English as well. With my slight accent, I just hope people think it’s because I’m Middle Eastern and English might not be my first language. In all honesty it’s just my nerves that I still can’t control at 27. 

The biggest problem I have though is opening up to people. Keeping people at a distance is my comfort zone. I can have nonsense conversations with people about nothing but talking about or expressing my feelings is a challenge for me. If you really want to take someone seriously, communication is one of the most important aspects of dating or any kind of bonding with another person. 

I recently met someone who made me realize it's OK to be honest and open up to people. I’ve learned that as long as you are safe, respectful, and honest with each other, you have the ability to experience something beautiful whether it's for a day, a week, or for the rest of your life. Sometimes being respectful and honest on your part doesn’t always pay off and there are jerks out there, but when you find that mutual respect and chemistry it feels amazing. 

Eventually you WILL find people worth your time, even if you’re a lot like me and maybe talk too much or laugh a lot because you’re nervous. It’s funny that someone I briefly met and will never see again made me realize the importance of respect, communication, and honesty. It gives me hope in the future to find others who will show me the same respect and honesty. It is still not easy for me to just open up to people and I will still most likely run into walls on dates and spill drinks on myself, but it’s just another problem I’ll have to get over. 

I know even confident people get nervous. Dating is intimidating. It's especially nerve-wracking when we really like the person. But if they are into you enough, they might think your nerves are cute. It's OK if someone doesn’t like you. I’ve been rejected many times. You get over it pretty quickly and move onto the next person, who is potentially better for you anyway. 

I’ve learned that it has nothing to do with your worth. Sometimes you just click better with other people and it's OK. We only have the present and we forget to make the best of it sometimes. It's OK to be a nervous mess of a human on a date. If the person is worth your time, they’ll still give you a chance.

about the Author

Leslie Khattarchebli has been in Bakersfield for 9 years. She's originally from Glendale, California and passionately loves coffee.